Time for a frank post.

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For a non-spouse, or consort, the lines can get blurry. If you don’t put in place any boundaries, your time with Loki can be one hel of trip. Ah fuck it, it’s a bloody trip for all of us, wives and non.

I approached Him in 2013. From the start, He’s always had that older guy friend vibe with me. Someone I could trust, flirty, made me feel good about myself, and held my hand through the upheavals. He’s never stayed around for more than a day at a time. I saw a rougher side of Him in the beginning. Our relationship has never had much jest. The jokes are there, but I’ve never felt poked for shiney/glittery stuff. Yes, to send glitter bombs to other Lokeans, but not between Himself and I.

My Loki is also not the typical long haired, shirtless God of sex that most others experience. Loki to me resembles more of Keifer Sutherland of the Lost Boys/Johnny Rotten cross. Black pea coat with the collar popped, black jeans, old school punk vibe. A handful of times I’ve seen the long hair, shirtless wonder. But ‘my’ Loki, looks more like this…IMG_20150822_083807_edit

A sketch I finally blurted out one day after a trip with Him.

For a time I wondered if maybe there would be more to Us. He responded favorably, as He is known to. However, I, was the one who changed. Suddenly jealousy reared up huge in me, and I was steam rolling towards some kind of commitment from Him. At that point in my life, my real life relationship with hubby had hit a bad point, I was unhappy all around, and any time with Loki became an obsession. I started neglecting real life, meditation became a nightmare because my goal during that time was always to see Him. Annnd Loki needed to put a stop to my crazy train in the best way He knew how.

He broke my heart. Shattered it to smithereens is more appropriate.

IMG_20150822_084146

That there is a pic of my journal page I wrote on that brutal day. Tears projectile flew from my eyes. I’d never had a more eye awakening moment in my life. Tears flew and pounded hard onto the journal page and smeared ink all around.

He was not a jerk. He just showed me what I hadn’t been seeing. How I was trying to cover up this weak point in life with a new obsession and was steam rolling like I do best as an Aries-Taurus cusp.

The weeks that followed were the longest and most awkward time. I didn’t think I’d ever recover from the embarrassment. There were many lessons learned in that period. Or somewhat learned, I’m still learning. But one thing I did learn is never push for something. If it’s meant to happen, it will. On it’s own time, on an agenda we don’t see.

So I backpeddaled. There are boundaries in place now, because I don’t ever want to assume anything again. He is my teacher of hard knocks. He comforts me and builds me up. He waits patiently (with many eye rolls) when I’m being a brat and tantrumming over mundane life. I love and trust Him. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hail to You, Flamehair. Happy Loki’s day.

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