Tag Archives: loki

The Morrigan

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…I sought divination in regards to some family issues going on.

Was not prepared for what came.

For many moons I’ve been reading Celtic based fiction. Every book ended up featuring an aspect of the triple Goddess, The Morrigan. Then I started reading random fiction, where the cover of the book appealed to me. There was always a character with a name like Morgan, Morgana, Morgaine. Or Macha, the red mane.

image found from Google 2e1877602a38d00a9173bd18d41be802

Then came the dreams, the unexplained visitors. The things I was randomly thinking about, endlessly. Then comments from strangers. So on and so forth. I paid nothing any mind, other than coincedental.

The reading came, and it basically said ‘You will know peace once you let the Morrigan into your life.’

Suddenly allllllll the signs and thoughts and memories and everything flooded in at once and I felt bad. She understands I’ve been preoccupied and focusing on the wrong things. I will work with Her once the baby is here, and things have settled some. She’s asked that I’m of clear mind to let Her in.

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She’s asking me to transform. To finish what started a few years ago, as I’ve been in this caterpillar/cocoon stage since. I am excited, and scared. But I feel safe. My mind is quiet somewhat now. I see where my path is heading next. Life is quite the journey, indeed.

Loki is helping me accept my ‘scapegoat’ role I am playing. Yesterday was a day of ugly truths, harsh reality, and the realization that while I play the scapegoat, my father and my sisters are able to function together as a family for the first time in 3 years. It hurts, and I’m creating boundaries to keep myself ok. But I’m also seeing why I have to accept this role. And with The Morrigan and Loki’s help, I don’t feel the victim. I see it for what it is, and I’m stronger for it.

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Belly Blessing

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Belly Blessing (photo of the henna design I did on my stomach, part of a sacred pregnancy journal prompt. I realise not many would want to see a belly on their blog roll, so you get the option to Click to see/read) Read the rest of this entry

UPG-spiders

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UPG alert.

Have always associated spiders with Loki. But, after tonight’s visitor, this is narrowed down to one type of spider for me.

When He wants my attention, I get the yellow sack spider. It’s a bright white almost color, I see them so rarely that it is logged in my memory when I do see one.

Yellow sac spider
google images

Spiders rarely phase me. I may catch my breath, but I go forth without issue. Bright colors attract my attention, and seeing this dude above was crawling across the black table..ok I get it. I caught him with my hands, he was content to just sit in my palm, and set him free outside. (Yellow Sac Spiders are venomous, notoriously aggressive biters, and deliver a bite like a wasp apparently. This I learned via google, AFTER setting it free. I was lucky).

And thinking back on the other times a white spider visited me; in my car, on my seat, before a concert I had invited Him to check out if He felt like it…another time was after an operation. Another time was after a soul crushing argument with a loved one. I was crying in the bathroom and noticed my visitor crawling from a vent towards me….

Time for a frank post.

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For a non-spouse, or consort, the lines can get blurry. If you don’t put in place any boundaries, your time with Loki can be one hel of trip. Ah fuck it, it’s a bloody trip for all of us, wives and non.

I approached Him in 2013. From the start, He’s always had that older guy friend vibe with me. Someone I could trust, flirty, made me feel good about myself, and held my hand through the upheavals. He’s never stayed around for more than a day at a time. I saw a rougher side of Him in the beginning. Our relationship has never had much jest. The jokes are there, but I’ve never felt poked for shiney/glittery stuff. Yes, to send glitter bombs to other Lokeans, but not between Himself and I.

My Loki is also not the typical long haired, shirtless God of sex that most others experience. Loki to me resembles more of Keifer Sutherland of the Lost Boys/Johnny Rotten cross. Black pea coat with the collar popped, black jeans, old school punk vibe. A handful of times I’ve seen the long hair, shirtless wonder. But ‘my’ Loki, looks more like this…IMG_20150822_083807_edit

A sketch I finally blurted out one day after a trip with Him.

For a time I wondered if maybe there would be more to Us. He responded favorably, as He is known to. However, I, was the one who changed. Suddenly jealousy reared up huge in me, and I was steam rolling towards some kind of commitment from Him. At that point in my life, my real life relationship with hubby had hit a bad point, I was unhappy all around, and any time with Loki became an obsession. I started neglecting real life, meditation became a nightmare because my goal during that time was always to see Him. Annnd Loki needed to put a stop to my crazy train in the best way He knew how.

He broke my heart. Shattered it to smithereens is more appropriate.

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That there is a pic of my journal page I wrote on that brutal day. Tears projectile flew from my eyes. I’d never had a more eye awakening moment in my life. Tears flew and pounded hard onto the journal page and smeared ink all around.

He was not a jerk. He just showed me what I hadn’t been seeing. How I was trying to cover up this weak point in life with a new obsession and was steam rolling like I do best as an Aries-Taurus cusp.

The weeks that followed were the longest and most awkward time. I didn’t think I’d ever recover from the embarrassment. There were many lessons learned in that period. Or somewhat learned, I’m still learning. But one thing I did learn is never push for something. If it’s meant to happen, it will. On it’s own time, on an agenda we don’t see.

So I backpeddaled. There are boundaries in place now, because I don’t ever want to assume anything again. He is my teacher of hard knocks. He comforts me and builds me up. He waits patiently (with many eye rolls) when I’m being a brat and tantrumming over mundane life. I love and trust Him. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hail to You, Flamehair. Happy Loki’s day.

Altar evolution

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While searching for a different photo, for a different post…I came across a bunch of photos of Loki’s altar changes over the seasons. Other post will wait, instead, here is some photo spam.

(focal art peice by Hellanim, work found here…Hellanim’s Deviantart)

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Summer version
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An offering set on fire, either scotch or fireball.
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Samhain version, with a shrine to Hela above.
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…an idea for those mini crystal skull vodka bottles. Fill with oil, add a wick, and light for a cheap, frugal and funky candle for Himself.
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Sleipnir necklace!!!

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For the upcoming birth of ‘R’, I have been seeking out items to keep in my crane bag. I had been stumped for what I could use to represent Loki in His mothering aspect…until I saw Beth Wodandis Designs ‘Sleipnir necklace’.

I HAD TO HAVE IT. I really lucked out. Most of the time when I see something Beth has made, it’s sold by then. Maybe it was a nudge from Loki, something made me check out her etsy page randomly that day, to see the necklace added to her works, AND it was still avaliable!. I contacted her immediately and am now the proud owner of this gorgeous peice of art.

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My cell phone camera does NOT do this justice at all. The copper, the beads, the beautiful weight of it. And powerful too. And calming. I want to wear it all the time, but, I have to restrain myself. It has a specific purpose right now, so I will hold off until baby ‘R’ is here.

Maybe I should go get another necklace from Beth to wear every day…

Go check out her shop , she is wonderful to work with. I’ve sought out her seidhr practise for clarity, her woodwick candles are a ‘must’ for my Loki altars.

She also runs an informative blog, with updates on her creations, and life with Odin. Wytch of the North

Thank you Beth for all that you do!

burning bridges

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My story is not that different from most. Born to a devout Catholic family in 1980. But, I was born deaf.

Clearly my parents did something to deserve me as a child, as far as their god was concerned. There was a trio of nuns that would visit weekly and pray for me. When I turned 2, medical science was a tad more advanced, and the doctors said I was no longer completely deaf, just hard of hearing.

Well, didn’t that become such a cause for celebration. My parents church, the nuns, everyone was amazed! Their god saved my hearing! A miracle!!! I wasn’t ‘condemned’ after all.

Yeah, well…then came Catholic school which was not prepared for a hearing impaired kid in the 80’s. I spent my school years sitting with the trees, away from my bullies and rude adults. Going to church sucked, I could not sing, could not hear the rythym of the hymns. My only friends were the ravens that would visit me. Weight gain came on quickly, and again the nuns were asked to pray for me.

Can not tell how many times I have sat with clergy, asking for answers and getting none. I was 11 when I took my stand and said no more church, or prayers. Enough.

My personal stand did not go well, but eventually I was excused from it all. I became the daughter that did not exist. The other 3 sisters were ‘perfect’, and I was allowed to ‘do my own thing as long as I didn’t tell anyone my last name’.

This served me well, until my mother passed. Suddenly I had to make appearances again. Questions asked, judgements formed. Thor’s hammer around my neck was offensive, so on and so forth. People started praying for me again. My spirituality became a battleground, again.

Except, this time around, I have Odin, Thor and Loki helping. I am not alone. I am not quiet. I am outspoken. I have told the relatives to stop praying for me. I have severed ties and continue to do so. It is slightly painful, a sister who I thought always understood me, has betrayed me. This betrayal has thrown off my game, slightly. But I will stand strong. Who needs blood family when their loyalty is only there if you play by their rules.

And so, moving forward. I will create the family I desire. I will be held back no longer. I will rid the years of shame and guilt I was fed by those who raised me.

I, am finally, FREE.

‘Everywhere’

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The first obvious Loki song I encountered, was ‘Everywhere’ by Bran Van 3000. The lyrics, the happy feeling I get listening to it, I can vividly see Him dancing around in a field playing a woodwind instrument of sorts.

“And everywhere you came and left,
You came in the name of love
And left a wake of happiness and tenderness
And sweet conflict, sweet conflict”

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love Sceithailm’s above depiction of Loki.
Sceithailm’s work

Discernment

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Let’s talk a little about discernment.

dis·cern·ment/diˈsərnmənt/
noun
  1. the ability to judge well

This past week has been an eye opener. It started off by realising I had left an offering of coffee on Loki’s altar for a few days. Then the flood. And other little things falling apart adding to the stress of it all.

A concerned friend commented on all this, suggesting that the flood and what not was as a result from the spoiled coffee left on the altar.

Ummm. NO. Not at all.

Loki wasn’t happy, no deity would be. But, before one assumes ‘this is punishment from Them’…take a good hard look at the circumstances surrounding the bad luck and see if a more plausible answer appears.

I’m going on 6 months pregnant. I chase a 4 year old. I have many health issues that are unmedicated right now, due to being pregnant. Exhausted doesn’t cut it for how I’ve been feeling as of lately. I love cooler weather, the dog days of summer sap my energy. I had a bout of heatstroke, followed by days of not sleeping with sciatic pain, back pain, and restless leg syndrome. I have no help during the day. Annnd I’m still coping with the death of my mother.

So. All these things and more combined…it is NO wonder I left the tap on slightly and flooded our basement. If my arthritis hadn’t flared up when it did, I would have discovered the flood sooner. But, had to wait 2 days until it was safe to walk down the stairs to the basement, and that is how I discovered the flood.

The Gods and Goddesses are very much a part of our lives. Sometimes They have a direct hand in matters, but a lot of the time it really is just circumstance. More people can benefit from taking a look at all the signs they see, with a more discerning eye. I’m not discrediting anyone. What I AM doing, is putting a stop to potential fear mongering (because if you’re an anxious person, and you get an idea you’ve insulted the gods in a way, you WILL create a situation that was never there before). Our thoughts are incredibly powerful. They make or break our reality.

I apologised to Him and set things right in that regard. And knowing just how tired I am, I’m going to slow down with my projects, and double check the things that I do. To prevent future mishaps and embarrassments.